Tired of searching here, there & everywhere.
For that perfect teacher to help me escape these everyday dilemmas; I decided to take a break, catch my breath & ask for directions again. But I failed to recollect the name of the destination I was looking for, the particular arrangement of syllables & words through which I could explain fellow travellers what exactly I was looking for.
I panicked & asked myself to try out what is probably the simplest yet most effective advice I’ve ever received- to calm the fuck down & focus. As I drew a deep breath & took a stroll through the routine paths in my head I came across a path which led to the section of my mind which had long since been deemed as impractical & immature. But I’d looked everywhere else & this was the only place where I could find some clue to help me escape this unexplainable ordeal. As I take the first few steps through this labyrinth which once used to be home I was hit by a strong wave of nostalgia. You know the kind which you get when you revisit old places which have remained unchanged, but you realise that you haven’t. And the nostalgia that you feel is not for the time that is past but for the you which is past.
Imagine what would happen if you ran into the old self in the middle of this nostalgic moment. What would you do? I don’t need to imagine because I did. As I saw you lounging there in middle of ‘useless’ childish thoughts I just knew that my long search was over. You, or to be precise – the old I, didn’t know of the answers or where to find them but with him on my side I could definitely figure out the wheres & the hows. Lost in the forest of my own mind I realised that the old I, the uninhibited I; was probably the most important friend, philosopher & guide I needed.
I went to the hills for some peace of mind…fellow travellers told me that nothing is as calming as climbing up a mountain. They all looked so serene so decided to scale the highest mountain in view. Somewhere in the middle of it, with shortness of breath & stiff legs started reconsidering the decision. The old ‘chad toh Jaye par utarega kaise’ saying came to the mind. But then I met this mountaineer who was on his way down. We chatted for a bit & he told me that nothing beats the view from the top & the satisfaction that you’ve climbed a huge fucking mountain, the old man vs. nature way. A few sips of water & some self pep-talk later I started to climb again.
A few more breaks & countless steps later I was at the top. Before I go could go to the edge & check out ‘the view’, I met a girl. The only way I can describe her is that she was the exact opposite of- exhausted, a bit scared & more than a bit sweaty -me. She asked me how I felt but didn’t really wait for my answer.
With the leg-pulling tone that we reserve for our closest ones she said “You look like you’d prefer jumping down this hill rather than climbing down”.
“Oh, if only I could fly!”.
“You can, if you give up the fear of flying.”
“I have a fear of falling, not of falling.”
“But they’re the same thing, at different speeds na?” I smiled & pretended to ‘throw’ the fear from my head. She asked me to close my eyes & made me wear this huge bag.
She whispered “Run & don’t stop till you’re flying. But do open your eyes once you’re airborne”.
After 45 minutes of flying as I touched the ground again I smiled as I undid my parachute.
The view from above is not really calming, but the opposite- truly exciting. But it did made me & my troubles seem so joyously insignificant that I laughed at myself because… I went to the hills for some peace of mind.